


skate into my heart, please

by drqco



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Anorexia, Bulimia, Ice Skating, Ice Skating AU, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Skater!Barry, Skater!Julian, allenbert - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-09-26 10:51:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9891527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drqco/pseuds/drqco
Summary: Skating is embedded in his bones. So he does. And he meets Barry Allen on the way.





	1. i

The ice is his home. 

He's always on it, ever since he was little. Back then, his mother took him to the pond and let him glide on it. He fell down multiple times but it was alright. She had enrolled him for skating lessons once he was old enough. They would walk down the cement sidewalk, hand in hand, down to Suffolk Rink where she helped him put on his skates and watched him glide. 

It was there on the ice where he found relief. He released everything that he kept to himself, his anger, his sadness, his happiness. He showed every emotion when he skated. 

He loved the feel, the _adrenaline_ rushing through him. Tingles would run through his spine and make him want to do more. He skates out onto the rink, his instructor, Gabriel was sitting on the bleachers, watching him and starting the music. He starts. 

There was a quad in the program, a quad salchow. He glides with grace, feeling himself and the ice. He danced on the ice, pushing and pulling at his emotions. There's a jump next. 

He lands it. 

He skates more, breathing a little harder. He does a sit spin, closing his eyes and feeling the music. He keeps doing his routine, feeling the familiar burn in his legs and the soft tingles in his ears. He's preparing for a quad salchow. He lifts off, suspended in the air and turning exactly four times while landing on his foot, his arms spread to keep balance. He makes it with no mistake. He does his step sequence, Ms. McAllister says it was like a fire. 

He ends his routine, arms behind him with his head held high. Everything burns and his chest is heaving. His instructor praises him, he says he's done everything perfectly and can compete. He thanks him and Gabriel tells him to practice more. He nods and he does. 

\---

That was five years ago. 

He now lives in the States in his small little apartment. He has competed in multiple competitions already, getting gold often. He has a new coach, Antonin Goldstein. They trained in Central City Ice Rink. He's on his way now, he was going to learn a new program. He walks on. He eventually enters the rink, fixing his blonde hair. He greets the man by the counter, who he always sees. 

He's been training here for exactly a year, he knew a lot of people. So when a strange boy walks in, he's surprised. He has brown, wavy hair and green eyes with a small smile. He wore a green sweater with grey stripes, with the same black pants he had on. He doesn't notice him walking towards him. "Hi," the boy says. "Hello," he mumbles back. 

"I'm Barry Allen. Can I just skate here? Right now?" he asks. "Yeah, yeah. I'm Julian by the way. Julian Albert," he adds quickly. The boy was tall and lanky, a skater must be graceful and have composure. He nods and walks out to the ice. 

Antonin wasn't here yet, so he decides to watch him. Barry takes his place on the ice, the other skaters skate off, wanting to watch him. He stands straight, a look of longing in his face. He starts in a few seconds, leaning backwards and skating. 

Barry skates beautifully. He feels sparks run from his spine to the tips of toes. He feels _chills_. 

His turns were impeccable, his jumps perfect. He closes his eyes and feels himself skate. Barry was absolutely _magnificent_. 

His routine reeled him in, like a fire. You want to get closer and closer but if you get too close, you'll burn. There's one quad, a quadruple salchow. Julian can perform it with little mistakes but when Barry does it, he performs it with grace. His take off was utterly perfect, and he spun exactly four times then landing with his arms in the air, which is harder since you can't keep balance. 

Barry skates like he was on edge, always a step ahead and always running. His step sequence was incredible, you couldn't look away. His routine ended with his arms reaching out towards him, as if he was asking for help. 

Everyone around claps, some cheering. He claps too, he can't help it. It was amazing. He does a little bow and skates off, walking to meet Julian as Julian exits the bleachers. Barry has the goofy smile of his on and he was panting hard. But Barry still laughed. 

"So, how was it?" he rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, his laughter subsiding. One word pops up in Julian's mind. 

"Brilliant."


	2. ii

Barry’s lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He just met Julian Albert.

He’s heard of Julian, watched him even. He was fantastic. One of the best younger skaters right now. He adored him.

Now he’s his rinkmate. It’s amazing.

He hears the door open. It’s probably Iris, Caitlin, or Cisco.

“Barry!” It must be Cisco. He hears other footsteps. It’s all three of them. He walks out of his bedroom, greeting them and relaxing on his couch. They’ve brought take out. Thank God.

“We’ve come,” Caitlin says as she takes something out of her bag. “To paint your nails!” Iris continues for her. She pulls out different colors and waves them. He smiles and walks to the kitchen table. Cisco was already on his couch, turning on the TV.

“So, how was your day?” Caitlin asks, preparing the nail polish. “Great,” he says in a daze. Iris gives him a strange look.

“Are you sure? You sound strange.”

He nods quickly with a smile. He was still thinking of Julian. “How was the rink?” Iris inquires. He’s never skated there, ever. There was a different rink near his house before he moved. “There’s a dude,” he sighs. Caitlin almost drops the nail polish and Iris’s jaw drops. 

“Oh my God.”

“What?”

“There’s a dude?!”

He realizes what he says and snaps back to reality. “Wait! No!” 

Caitlin smiles and Iris laughs. “That’s a lie!” Cisco exclaims, turning his head to face him. He starts talking about Julian, how he watched him skate and he complimented his skating. “Well, brilliant isn’t exactly the greatest compliment.”

“You’re just jealous, Iris.” 

“Am not! What color, Barry?” She holds up different colors of nail polish. He points at the color black. “Ah, you’ve never chosen black. Special occasion for Julian, eh?” Caitlin laughs playfully, before she starts painting his nails. 

—

He’s at the toilet again, vomiting whatever was left in his stomach. He flushes and brushes his teeth. 

He can’t remember when he started doing this. He thinks it was after someone in school called him ‘fat’. He doesn’t really know. 

He has a friend over here, he’s his best friend. “Jul!” he hears the door open. He panics and trips on the way from the bathroom to the door. He gets up and pretty sure there’s a bruise somewhere. Harry’s here, he brought Big Belly Burger. 

“Damn it, Julian,” he sighs. He places his keys on the table and takes a good look of his body. He closes his eyes and sighs. “I wish those bruises were hickeys.” 

He sits him down on the couch and grabs the cream from the cabinet drawer. He does the usual routine of rubbing it on the bruises on his arms, his legs, and his chest. He sometimes fell when he skated, it was rare, but it hurt the most. He takes off his thin shirt, exposing himself. 

You could see his ribs, there was barely any fat in his stomach. Skaters were supposed to be thin, but not this thin. “Have you been eating well?” Harry asks him. He shrugs. The cream dries and he puts his shirt back on. “Turn the telly on,” he orders Harry. 

Harry’s come from England too, he worked in the CCPD as a CSI. His mother and father died when he was one, leaving him with his aunt and uncle. He was okay there. Eventually, he went to school and was the smartest kid in his class. 

He met him on the way to the rink, Harry tripped in front of him and said, “I’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up.” 

He took it as friendship, and they’ve become closer than ever. 

He goes over to his kitchen and prepares the food. He sits on his couch and eats it with him, watching the shows on the tv. “I met someone,” Julian whispers. “Yeah?” 

“I like him.” 

Harry smiles and says, “I’m happy for you, you know. You deserve someone.” 

He chuckles to himself and leans his head against Harry’s shoulder. “Hopefully I’m alive to fall in love with him.”


	3. iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _song that goes well with this chapter: save myself by ed sheeran_

He wishes he could stop. He wishes that all the thoughts would stop and he could focus on the things that really matter. He wishes that every time he looks at himself he wouldn't be compelled to drop to the toilet, fingers down his throat. He wishes that everything was okay and he was happy. 

Instead he doesn't stop. 

The thoughts come and stay in his head. He always drops to the toilet, fingers down his throat, and everything is okay for a while. Just a while. Then, everything is okay and he felt happy inside for a while. But then the sadness comes back. 

He feels weaker than usual. He doesn't mind it. He'll be fine. 

\---

Barry's on the way to the rink when he passes by Jitters for some coffee. He orders his usual, a latte with extra milk. He sits in his corner, checking his phone. Iris persuaded him to get a Tumblr a while back, and he loves it. It was nice, with posts that intrigued him. Especially ice skating. 

_yuri-on-rice posted: woahhhhhhh brooooo. watch yuri on ice. amazing. im also weak for victuuri. and christ jj gotta chill lmao._

He doesn't notice Julian walking up to him. He feels someone pat his arm and instantly looks around when he sees the familiar blonde. "Hello," Julian says. He puts his phone in his pocket and greets him with a smile. "Hi! I didn't know you came around here!" 

They talk for a bit until they finish their drinks and walk to the rink, talking about their programs, their lives, anything really. "I'm really excited for the new program Antonin is choreographing for me. He said there'll be quads!" Julian nudges him with the brightest smile on his face. He already knows his program, Antonin taught him it during yesterday's practice. "Nice!" 

They arrive at the rink and they do their routines. Stretch, wrap their ankles, put on their skates, and actually skate. He closes his eyes as he skates, feeling the ice and feeling himself. He's practicing some jumps that were in the program. He was having trouble landing them correctly. It's now his 10th time trying the jump, still not succeeding. "Ahh," he loudly, calling attention to himself. "Sorry," he mumbles. He skates to the side and gets off the ice. He watches the other skaters as he takes a break. He watches Julian learn the new program. It looks complicated, but he knows Julian can do it. He looks very nice, his blonde hair shining and his eyes looked bluer than usual. 

He looks tired, though. At this time, Julian shouldn't look tired. He should be thriving at this point, skating harder than when he started. But he isn't. 

He watches as Julian takes off from a jump, one that should be easy to land, and doesn't make it. He falls and Barry expects him to get up. But he lays there, not moving. Antonin skates to him, panic radiating off him. He kneels down to him and he hears him shout, "Please call 911!" 

He takes out his phone and calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pumped to write this one. i was fueled by listening to divide by ed. fucking amazing album btw. save myself represents julian in this fic. anyway, amazing album. all the songs were _amazing._ i have no favorites. i couldn't choose between them. 
> 
> i really recommend listening to what do i know. it's on youtube or you can buy the album. it's really what the world needs right now. 
> 
>  
> 
> [song here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6B9J3lEyffA)


	4. iv

"Damn it, let me in!" Barry shouts at the nurse. The nurse is surprised and she forces Barry into the waiting room again. There Antonin sits, leaning against his hand. He had cancelled his lessons today, his students would understand. 

The other people in the room look worried, Barry's been pacing around the room. He bites his nails, he never does it, only when he's nervous. They arrived at the hospital an hour earlier. The paramedics said that he would be alright but they weren't sure of what had happened. The medicine they had given him in the ambulance wasn't working, so they had to get them to the hospital quick. They hadn't allowed him or Antonin into the room yet. 

God, he was terrified. He was scared. He knows he just fainted but he was still worried. Damn, he was going to ask him out today. 

He keeps pacing, panic still in his chest. Nurses come and go, calling people until he and Antonin were left. Time goes by slowly. He can't wait. He sees a doctor come to him, and he instantly starts bombarding him with questions. "What happened? Is he okay? What did you? Is he sick?" The doctor stops him, and tries to tell him what happened slowly. 

"He's quite alright. Um, if you would follow me, I can give you more information," the doctor leaves. "Stay here, okay?" He tells Antonin. He nods and sits back down. He follows the doctor past the grey doors of the hospital, passing by families, nurses, and patients. They stop at the room 342. There's a big window, he can see Julian sleeping inside. 

"He had fainted because of overexertion. This means that your body is used to doing something, then suddenly, you push it to your limits. But, you had said that the jump he attempted to perform was very easy for him. Am I correct?" Barry nods. "Yes, well, fainting because of overexertion can be dangerous. He is fine now but we noticed something that seemed unhealthy. Look at him more closely," the doctor points to Julian. Barry looks him over closely. A nurse inside the room lifts his gown that covers his torso. There, bruises littered his chest. 

"As you can see, there are many bruises. Do you think the fall could result in these bruises?" the doctor asks him. "No," Barry whispers. "That is an unusual amount of bruises for a fall like that. But, bruises can occur in people who exercise vigorously, which might be the case. But another reason might be because of a bleeding condition. I am concerned about this and I want to run a few more tests when he wakes up. Another thing I noticed was that he was thin. Extremely thin. I know you ice skaters must be thin to glide on the ice and dance but not this thin. I can see his ribs very clearly. There is a possibility that he might be anorexic, which is a problem I want to discuss with him. Until then, you may go inside and see him. Have a good day," the doctor finishes and walks off. Going to see other patients, he guesses. 

He opens the door and walks in, the nurse leaves to respect their privacy. He sits in the white chair and sighs. "Julian," he whispers, burying his head in his hands.

\---

He feels a gentle tapping on his head. He shoots straight up, looking around. "Hey, mate," he hears Julian whisper in a raspy voice. He has a smile on his face, one that rarely shows. Barry puts his head down and faces him. The expression on his head reads, "Why?" 

Instead of asking questions he tells him, "Your friend came here earlier. Harry, right?" Julian nods. They both sit in silence, trying to find what to say. Barry sighs, closing his eyes. That's when he starts to ask questions. "You scared everyone. You scared me," he says. "Why? What happened?" he asked Julian. Julian sits up, biting his lip and staring at Barry. "I thought I wasn't enough," Julian whispers. He thought talking to Julian would be breeze, a walk in park. He never knew it would be _hard_.

Julian pulls his knees up to his chest, his blanket falling. He winces but tries not to show it. 

"Excuse me? Mr., uh, Albert? I'd like to run a few tests on you if that would be fine. But uh, your friend here must leave," the same doctor walks in with a nurse. Barry nods and leaves the room, saying nothing to Julian. 

It's in the cold waiting room, where people come and go, where the disgusting coffee is kept and the nurse with blue dinosaurs on her scrub walks around calling everyone except him is when he cries.

**Author's Note:**

> im trash


End file.
